Hilton Treetops, Aberdeen

Booked in by a client I found out that I was down for dinner, bed and breakfast so took advantage of the client's generosity. Evening meal was £46 and all I had was a salad, a steak and a bottle of red.

Salad was apple stilton and walnut but arrived with onions, red lettuce and an interesting dressing. Steak was medallions of beef fillet and was a massive £10 supplement to the main menu but delivered medium rare and melted in the mouth. Is it significant that the two best steaks I have had since I started this blog were Aberdeen and Inverness? Served with an interesting haggis side dish (declined the tomato and mushroom but they still managed to slip 3 onion rings onto the plate) and a few bog standard chips. Very well presented.

Vin de Pays de l'Aude (one euro in france) a whopping £16-75 a bottle.

Leeds Bradford Airport 6-30 am

Early flight for a day trip to Belfast. Left home without coffee or breakfast so saunter into the downstairs eaterie to try it out. Full breakfasts available but I'm in a lite mood so I opt for Yorkshire teacake with either bacon or sausage - to find out that at 0635 they've run out of teacakes. You can have two slices of processed bread if you want! Is there a reduction because it's not a Yorkshire teacake? Niet.

I received a plate, two slices of bread, one loaded with bacon. No Butter, not even mucky fat to brighten up my day. Butter? At the end mate. Bought a Latte as well. £6-20.

Butter was rock solid (although it was free so I spent some time slicing slivers and arranging them on the bread which was cold so the butter didn't thaw). Bacon was cold. And the worst thing about Leeds Bradford International Airport (is that hyperbole again?) was the relentless pappy pop music piped everywhere as if we needed waking up.

Another food outlet relying on a captive audience who once they actually try the food and assess the quality and value for money will remember to make alternative arrangements next time and never use the place again. There must be a phrase for this. There isn't? OK let's invent one - how about Kamikaze kitchens? We'll get John Burton Race to front it; line up 13 tacky restaurants that don't give a toss about food but are in in for the money and it'll probably get a BAFTA.

Don't eat yellow snow? Don't take breakfast at LBIA...