29 Wood Street, St Annes on Sea, Lancashire 15th July 2006.
Completely unorganised but highly recommended. (Unorganised but recoomended? you ask).
A Unorganised? Discuss
We were nine. They brought 7 aperitifs. We reminded them. They brought another. We reminded them. They brought the ninth. We sat down to eat. The served the hors d'ouvres. We ate. An hour later they came and apolgised for the wait. Fifteen minutes later they served the main course.
B Highly recommended? Discuss
Bi) Because we were so much enjoying the conversation, uniniterrupted by having to eat, that we just saw the delay as them giving us space to socialise. So weren't in the slightest bothered and because
Bii) when they came to apologise, they brought two free bottles of very good Italian red wines with them.
Biii) Most of my meal was excellent. Starter was a beef parfait - light and creamy served with true melba toast and a little salad with a sweet and sour sauce. My main course was Trough of Bowland filet of beef grilled to perfection (medium) served with a dauphinoise potato made with the thinest slivers of potatoes I have ever eaten and in a creamy sauce - all in one of those tower shapes that dominate the tables of the bourgeoisie at the moment but that will be replaced when the next fad for chicken bricks or barbecues comes along. Why did it not collapse when they removed the chef's ring? (one of life's little secrets we'll never understand). Also some pak choi vegetables - looked very nice but must confess i was too busy eating the
Biv) free chips they added to apologise again for the delay. Let's face it, chips are univesally appreciated. These were probably the most perfectly cooked I have ever tasted - texture was a perfect cripsness outside, perfect firm but soft inside and exactly the right size.
Bv) Dessert was a bit of a let down. Large, somehow glazed profiterole from the fidge. They expected me to eat it with a soup spoon but looked suitably chastised when I asked for dessert spoon and fork. Coffee good.
Bvi) Value for money. Including wine (and some free) £35.

So that's why.

Hyatt, Birmingham

A business meeting so we chose the Hyatt. Nice airy lounge with plenty of tables ( and free electricity).

Installed ourselves at a table but within 15 minutes 5 people had arrived on the next table who all opened and plugged in their laptops and then all started smoking. Frigging hell - it's only 1030am. Thought of moving but resisted the urge. Despatched several black looks in their direction but they didn't get the hint. Carried on talking about budgets.

Lunch arrived and without warning 50 Estee Lauder reps descended from the first floor for their lunch. Bit like a scene in Eyes wide open except they were all dressed (in black). Worse was to follow. Every table in the lounge was suddenly full of Estee lauder reps smoking as if their lives depended on it (oxymoronic, zeugma or just plain litotes?). Don't they know that non smokers can smell a smoker a mile off. The last thing I want when I'm considering how beautiful I look and an Estee Lauder rep leans over me to squeeze a zit and apply a bit of foundation is the foul smelling stench of old smoked tobacco.

Estee darling - get a life, wake up and smell the stale tobacco and institute a policy that beauty reps shouldn't smell like ashtrays. You might find that people respect your stance. (either that or watch profits go down the ashtray). Nothing worse than a really attractive woman smelling like a worn out camel.

Caesar salad in a pitta bread. £6-50. Reasonable but the dressing supplied seemed suspiciously like Tartare Sauce.

Midland Mainline, The Midlands

GNER are so expensive nowadays. Always seeking cheaper alternatives (as long as I'm paying my own way - if a client is paying we go for the expensive line) I purchase an advance first class London to Leeds. £28

It's remarkably good. Papers given out as we leave. Coffee & Tea within minutes. Biscuits as well. The menu looks good. Hot snacks including a beefburger made from scottish beef from a named area which is bit like appelation controlée fast food.

The suddenly out of the blue a waitress arrives with free wine!!! My God! is there no limit to MM generosity? The pretty serveuse says we'll be back regularly for a top up. Have I died and gone to heaven.

Unfortunately no I'm still alive and although it's not purgatory it's a bit like limbo. After 2 top-ups my fourth request is met with the disappointing statement that they've run out. They only open 8 bottles... (with 2 coaches full of highly stressed executives they only open 8 bottles. ...!!!)

But soft what news from yonder menu breaks. A full bottle of aussi shiraz 2004 from the in flight menu is only £7-85. GNER half bottle of house red is the same. Brilliant. I buy a full bottle intending to drink some and save some for home. I also order sandwiches from the menu. Shamefully almost every sandwich is a weight watchers version with less than 400g of fat. After discussions with the staff we try to up the cholestorol and fat content of the chicken and bacon club sandwich. It arrives with a handful of pretzels plus 3 sachets of mayonnaise and a Kraft honey and mustard dressing. Good try MM.

Leaving the train I forget the bottle. The two lads sitting next to me probably couldn't believe their luck.

"ere, that geezer's left half a bottle of.. "

"d'you think?"

"Yeah let's"